i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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