Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
