coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
