i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
