would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
