Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize