And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
