We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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