Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
