cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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