What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
