3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
