If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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