I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
