So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
