My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
