I will die if light touches me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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