You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
