woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
