I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
