And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
