Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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