On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
