I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
