dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
