You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize