I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
