just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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