moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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