So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
