He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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