hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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