I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
