It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
