He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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