I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
