She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
