I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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