I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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