The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
