I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
