in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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