he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
