I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
