so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
