yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
