please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
