I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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