He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
