A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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