The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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