I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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