can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
