Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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