Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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