Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
