Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
