for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
