Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
