it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
