Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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