hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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