After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
