i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
