my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
