The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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