girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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